Herbless Mind.

For some reason... recently, a lot of the things that my dad has been saying to me for the past year seem to be making sense. I always thought that what he was saying is all bullshit asian parental talk. I'm pretty sure my soberness of the plant has really cleared my head.

So I haven't smoked for maybe 4 months now. Since then I've gotten goals, treated people better, improved my relationship with my mom, dad, and my sister, realized my potential to become successful and also realized that herb isn't all there is to life and that I can live being like this. I also like it. Although my parents still don't trust me as much as before, they've been really nice and supportive. But actually I've become kind of a hermit not going out as much as I used to. And I hate going to ADS. I mean it's not bad when I'm there its actually kind of fun but I HATE the fact that I have to GO there...But oh well my fault anyways.

The really big thing though that I'm excited about is my goals. They started coming to me about a month after not smoking. I first wanted to become a lawyer, then an entrepreneur, then back to lawyer, then doctor, back to lawyer, then back to entrepreneur, then lawyer, and now I'm back to doctor.. :D I decided, for now at least, I want to become a neurosurgeon or an internist. I know for a fact that those who know me right now will probably expect me to fail pretty hard except for maybe [x] shes been so supportive <3 But for you all, yea I know I probably haven't done anything to show that I'm capable or learning or studying. But since I've been sober I can't wait to go to school and learn. The last time I've had this mindset was probably in 5th grade when I was in GT but failed miserably because PC BANG > HW at that time :] Dumb, yes I know but whatever. I know I can do it but I probably can't be smoking. At least not as much as before...I actually want to quit. Weird...a few months ago my thinking was the exact opposite: Weed > Life.

I also now want to go out and do stuff. I mean I've always wanted to go out and do things but I never acted on it. Mainly because I don't have a car...I still don't -_-.... But yea I don't like just getting high and chillin around. well since I can't smoke now that isn't really happening...Now I just hate sitting around doing nothing. I really wish I had even school work. I want to be productive. I've been a very heavy cigarette smoker since 4th grade. Actually I quit for about 2 and a half years but yea I don't think I'll be living until like 90 so I don't want to waste my life. (I've been cutting down now!! :D) So much to do...I hope this beach trip next month works out. I kind of want to get out of NoVa for a bit. Also I want to play more poker!!!! Pokers so fun I suck so much at poker but still gambling is fun hahah. Mmmm I want to go to KD, go fishing, swimming!!!, just anything but sitting around and doing nothing high or not like I've done so much in the past.

One thing I realized though is that sadly yess I am a hermit now...:( I think friendships based on 2 people both liking a drug and abusing it often won't work out unless they were good friends before they both started using the drug[s]...Well at least with some friends I have..I still like being with them though. They're all really nice and chill and I like talking, chillin with them but...since I can't smoke a big part of our "friendship" is gone... :\ My dads been telling me that for the past year a LOT. I've always denied it and thought he was a faggot ass douchebag everytime, but it's kind of true now, for me at least.

But yea it's whatever...I just cant wait until I go to California. But that is if I get good grades in school so I can transfer to UCLA: one of my goals. Even though I've lived in NoVa most of my life, this place just isn't for me. Although I havent been to California before, it seems like I'd like it there a lot. Hopefully I can visit there before I really move there.. haha IDK I think I'll be happy there. I like the warm weather. And after experiencing the snow this year, I'm tired of it. I can't have fun in the snow like I used to when I was a kid heheh sucks but yea :]

I guess I'm done writing since I'm tired...I think I'm going to get my sleeping pattern back to normal since I stayed up last night. yessssss. I hate waking up. But I hate waking up late. I like the morning I feel good :D.